A Mama On Stage

It finally happened tonight.  My FIRST theater rehearsal in 26 years.  WOO HOO!!!!  So much fun I haven't stopped smiling since I got home.  I was cast in "Fiddler On The Roof" as one of the Mamas.  Boy, I have missed this amazing feeling from being part of a theater cast.  I attended college my Freshman year with a Theater Scholarship.  My goals at the time were to get a degree in Theater Arts and then move to New York and be on stage - preferably Broadway.  How could I have given up my lifelong dream, because of a guy in college??  STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!  This will be a lesson to teach my children (especially Daughter and Son #2 who currently believe this is what they want to do when they grow up)... to never allow another person to force you to give up your dreams because of THEIR insecurities.

What made tonight especially sweet for me, was the singing and dancing and I was a part of that and LOVING it!!!  When I was younger, I always wanted to be in musicals, but didn't have the courage and confidence to audition for the musicals.  I stuck to the dramas and comedies - and avoided the musicals.   I am not sure what I was afraid of because I knew how to dance, and my voice was much better back then.  Jump ahead decades later, and my children are completely engaged in the theater.  And I have been sitting on the sidelines watching and supporting them for years.  

When I was visiting New York back in February, I had the opportunity to see the musical "Wicked" for the first time.  My friend and I were in the second row, center seats.  We could practically reach out and touch the actors.  IT WAS AWESOME!  My face hurt by the end of the show from my non-stop smiling throughout the WHOLE show.  Watching this performance, in New York, was unexpectedly emotional for me.  I found myself having several flashback moments...missing the stage and wishing I had never stopped chasing my dream when I was in college.  

I came back to Kansas with a new resolve.  My life was not over, and I was not too old to still go back and pursue my dreams.  Even if it was only on a local level.  I was more than determined to find a play I could audition for that had a part I believed I could play.  Sure enough, right after returning from New York I saw an audition posting for "Fiddler on the Roof."  Initially, I thought it would be a fun show for Daughter and Son #2 to audition for, but then my memories of being at "Wicked" kicked in - remembering how much I REALLY wanted another chance to act.  So I decided I would audition, as well.  

Oh wait - this is a musical!  What was I even thinking???  I've never performed in a musical.  AHHHH, but I have the thick dark hair and olive complexion thing going on - I could pass for a Russian Jewish mother.   Kids thought I was Jewish when I was a kid living in New York, so perhaps I could make that work again now, couldn't I?   And I still know how to dance all these years later.  But my voice...not so sure about the voice...   Fortunately, when I am singing it is with the other Mamas, so the occasionally cracking of my voice won't be obviously noticed.  hahaha

I will admit, it was a little daunting at first to be surrounded by other adults who have been performing on stage for quite some time.   However, I have been somewhat in training for this moment thanks to my children and watching them act and sing for quite some time.  By the end of the rehearsal most of my "greenness" had faded, and I actually felt like I was part of a cast - who knew what she was doing.  And the directing team is AWESOME, which can make a huge difference to the kind of experience an actor can have.  I have been truly blessed to have been cast with these wonderful people I will have the honor of spending the next two months hanging out with!

Some might think I'm "CRAZY" to want to return to something I gave up a long time ago.  But some dreams never die, and won't let go of the hold they have on you.  I was so tired of watching, wishing and wanting.  I either needed to go for it, take a risk and see what happens - or let it go, once and for all, and move on.  (Hey... this thinking I may need to apply to other areas of my life.)

I am so glad I was bit by the theater bug, again - thanks to "Wicked!"

"Something has changed within meSomething is not the sameI'm through with playing by the rulesOf someone else's gameToo late for second-guessingToo late to go back to sleepIt's time to trust my instinctsClose my eyes: and leap!"